Communication in Relationships

Relationships can be viewed as sharing of energy and information flow. How is that some relationships are happy and lasts for ever and others are always in turmoil and has a very short life ?

The relationships in which each individual respect the internal world of the other without judgement; and has a sense of openness and allows for the possibilities of the others internal world; and also allows it to unfold in its own special way, then these individual will cultivated a loving-compassionate connection that will carry them through good and bad times. This is known as integrative communication in the field of neurobiology; it promotes the development of healthy relationships as it honours the unfolding of the other as a unique person in their own right without trying to change them the way you want them to be; and it fosters a special bond of trust, imbued with love.

When we compassionately help a child to cultivate her own passions and interests as she grows we are helping her to understand herself, so she has a sense of herself as a unique person. During this process we are promoting parent-child relationship which has a healthy elements of integrative communication.When we are connecting with others with feeling of compassion we  share our internal emotional world with theirs. This is how we learn from each other, this is how the child learns from her parents. We continue to grow and learn all our lives in a supportive – nurturing relationships, where vulnerability is respected and truth honoured.

When we are in a truly integrative relationship we not only care for the other during times of stress, but we also take joy in others’ joy and pride in their accomplishments.

To some this form of integrative communication come naturally, but for some it maybe necessary to first develop an internal state of presence. If we are filled with doubt and uncertainty, envy or hatred , then it is hard to achieve the integrative communication that is needed for a joyful and lasting relationships.

We can teach ourselves with mindfulness to become aware of our internal states; we can learn to check inside of ourselves to see if we are in internal state of receptivity or reactivity. If we are in reactive state we have no internal space to be compassionate, to see others point of view or be respectful. We are instead ready to fight – flight – or – freeze. These are not conditions for communication, let alone integrative communication. In contrast, when we are in receptive state our muscles relax and our minds become open to others and to our own internal experiences. We are now likely to be able to engage in integrative communication.

It will not come as a surprise if I tell you that integrative communication is linked to longevity, health and even happiness. The relationships that are integrative thrive and promote a creative expression and vitality.

Resources

Pocket Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology  by  Daniel J. Siegel.

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6 Comments

  1. Sandra Town

     /  April 4, 2012

    Dr. Chana . . . this is incredible . . . and as always . . . so apropos . . . thank you for sharing this! I look forward to learning more!
    SandraT:)

    Reply
  2. Hi Dr. Chana!!
    Ur post is mindblowing n it has answered for me a major question i had in mind since few weeks!! I am aspiring to be a coach n in one of my learning modules, i wasnt very clear with this idea of ” We invalidate ourselves when we judge others, whereas we respect ourselves if we are non judgmental” I kind of agreed to the idea but wasnt very clear with why it is so?

    This is very beautiful.. Integrative Communication in neurobiology.. too awesum!!
    Honouring the other individual n allowing them to unfold themselves in their unique manner…woww!! Thanks a lot!!

    Sorry for posting such a long comment!! I request you to allow me, to approach you in case i need any clarifications like this one 😉

    Thanks
    Shraddha

    Reply
    • Thank you for your lovely comment and I am pleased that the post on relationship helped to clarify some questions. I would be happy to help out with any other question you may have.

      Reply
  1. I may not respect you, but i definitely respect myself!! « ibelivetoday

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